The transformation

A small thought occurred to me during one of those boring "not in mood" time..  "What If" I had not taken some decisions in my life.. the same ones which have become my identity in life,.. the decisions cos of which am known as some one's girl friend.. how different would my life be...

Will it be the one where I will be happily married (i presume this) to some rich , well-educated mallu guy (as per my parents criteria of my MR.Perfect) blowing his money.. or will it be the one am single basking in my own freedom.. living life with no strings attached...

I some how like to believe it would be the second case.. I first experienced the concept of freedom when i came to bangalore.. being my daddy's girl I was well protected and had everything done for me... and when I first moved to mlore for my job.. I thought here am all to myself.. doing stuffs myself.. But alas Life happened to me... I fell hopelessly in love... to me that guy meant (still means) the world.. I always loved hanging out with him and without him around I used to miss him.. I was reduced to nothing but a hopeless romantic.. always craving for his attention and waiting to get pampered... But bangalore was altogether new change... a pleasant one which I will cherish for life.. What did bangalore do to me.. loads of things.. beyond what I ever thought of... I always thought I will be crippled without him around..
But every mode of life proved me wrong in this case.. I could survive .. I could live my life and undoubtedly I was living life to fullest.. In every aspect I was continousaly expanding my horizon with every step of life... Some of the things which remain etched in my memory are --

* The fact that I was all to myself.. no one to tell me how to get to a place.. I know ppl out there will think there are public transports and the Autos.. but i chose to have my lil companion called The peppy scooty wherever I went.. Google maps thanks to you.. I could reach places with just your help.. What would I Do with you my Mappy man...

* Had a couple of friends.. But for once I decided I will be open to meeting new people and making new friends... Accept any one and every one without any pre-conceived thoughts or notion.. I for once decided never be judgmental about people and accept them for who they are.. Life suddenly became so much more beautiful when I let myself free..

* Met some wonderful people.. Rosh Pie.. Oh i never knew that I could ever get so close to an HR of a company.. Being from tech world.. All we usually thought about the HR community was bossy..  And today she is one person whom I talk to almost everyday.. Sassy crazy Sasu ... The old me would have thought some million times before befriending a person with bold ideologies.. But then now though frankly she can at times(ok who am i kidding "most of the times" *Winks* .. I also return her the favor) drive me bonkers.. I adore her to bits irrespective of all the craziness.. In many ways she is the other piece in the world as crazy as am..

When I look back I dont feel bad that I couldn't pursue my MBA dreams in the great city of Toronto.. Cause I believe and I know that something beyond my small dreams is definitely in store for me.. All I know is I have to embrace everything that comes my way without the fear of being hurt.. If I have to get hurt let me get hurt for that will definitely make me a stronger person and help me evolve for a better cause..  

La La Wonder La...

One fine mundane day, cant recollect if a monday or tuesday, My phone rings and when i answer i hear alima screaming on the other end telling "next week wonder la. Rosh, myself and her".. Ohh that one line from her brought the typical "EEEEEE" smile on my face.. i told myself i have something to look forward on weekend with 2 most lovable ppl in the world...

Rosh and Alima.. We go way back to college days.. If ppl think this post is about them.. no it is not.. i dont have the damn time to write abt those 2... its just about our awesome wonder la exp...

Sunday.. I remember the blissful morning.. I woke up early morning surprising myself and was dressed right from 8:30 in the morning... cause thats the time Alima madam had told me she will come to pick me up... Then all i remember is the clock ticking.. And i kept calling these 2 morons to find whr the hell they are... then I get to hear the truth our stupid alima realized after picking up rosh that she is not "dressed to the occasion" .. So both of them had to rush to Garuda Mall to increase the sales of some random jeans shop.. When i knew this.. I could feel the steam coming out of my ears... ohhh damnn i have been dancing in front of my roomies till then... without eating the bfast also.. just singing "La la Wonder La".. Then at last they arrived around 9:30... The first thing i felt like doing was kick alima... But alas i had no time to waste.. had to rush to enjoy the day and have fuunnnnn....

I remember when we reached there we were welcomed by a cute mascot... Then all i recollect is Rosh and myself running around for all the rides and our mom alima not joining us in any.. cos she is a fatttuuuu...

This trip will always be a cherished one.. as i got to be with those 2 ppl with whom i can be normalll and crazyyyy and blurt out crapppp....

E - motion

The day I started blogging.. The moto in mind was to capture all my emotions coz i know one day when i read them again it will be fun... tears that carved the way through my cheeks would make me giggle in the future.. the incessant laughter would bring a drop of tear in my eyes.. Today I feel i have not done justice to my blog.. and as type this.. my mind is still trying to find the silliest of reasons to take the blame.. so tat i feel light..

Right now i feel like making a silent promise to myself that i will capture all my emotions and paint it all over my blog.. the one who is ever ready to listen to my random rambling without a complain.. to whom i can repeat a silly story a zillion times and yet she wont go "KEERTHY this is the 100th time you telling this".. Who when i shed a tear wont tell me to be more strong.. and be rude to people who are rude with you.. I'am esp writing abt being rude cause of an incident that happened 2 days ago... Here it goes...

Rosh pie and myself as always after work boarded our bus to madiwala... That day we realized we have forgotten how it is to go in bus as we were spoilt by going with miss.adhyam in her super car(Call it super cause thats where we have max. fun bitching commenting cribbing and all the lady like ranting).. and now after ages we boarded a bus from E City.. As you all know about the maddening blore traffic.. the poor lil driver who is no schumacher had to go in half clutch with breaks like every other second.. And me being master of balancing was falling all over the place ... accidentally stepped on a girls feet for the second time that day.. Then she went "STAND PROPERLY!!!".. i know it didnot involve using fowl language or swearing ... still i was taken aback by the sheer fact that she was not being polished while telling me this.. call me silly or whatever... i was on verge of crying (rosh claims that i was all booo hooo and river flooded blore.. blahhh. nver believe her side of the story)... And you know when i feel bad i have to call my parents and my friends... and all come with only one statement... "when will u learn to talk back"... left me blank...

Have never thought that i would ever have to change the way am..I know i get hurt but Even if summon up all my damn guts to talk back... some how the whole universe pulls me back from doing the same... you all know am just a small tiny person in comparison to the universe.. and how can i fight with the super power.. so as always i have chosen to get defeated in front of the super power called the universe..

F R I E N D

This is a story of two girls and the little promise of being "Friends Forever".. Stuck together through thick and thin.. Hours of phone calls which kept people wondering what they talk.. Never has been a "Wat else?", "then.." or "Hmmm.." in their never ending chats... The intention was clear come what may we will dance through any issue... Never did they let any thing get in their path.. because their path was exclusive just theirs... "No one was invited" into their small little world... Cos they knew too many cooks can spoil the broth.. Little did they know some day a storm would wreck their small little world... now its the phase of utter silence... the never ending conversations a things of past.. conversation fail to start.. skype of my machine has become an useless software... Its only her whom i always wished to see.. her whose smile means world to me.. This is for my friend Deepu..

Not sure If I could still call her my friend.. One rookie mistake of mine... She never turned back.. She walked past.. Helpless I stand.. Wondering how to fix this broken bond... Am no magical witch.. All I could do is plead.. "I have no feelings for you" she told.. Followed by devastating silence.. The partner of my monkeying days seems blurr and as i write a tear i shed...

Deepu you may never return... all I can tell you is your space in my life can never be replaced by any one else...

Luv

Kee

Some Dreams...

As a girl from a conservative Indian family all my life I have been told and made to believe that marriage is an essential part of a girls life.. Its a duty which all parents have to full fill as soon as their little princess turns 23 to 25...

Even my dad with just like all other parents have this beautiful dream of my marriage painted in his mind.. i rather not say painted... cause a canvas can be washed off with water.. he has this dream etched into his thoughts...

Being very very possessive about me.. my dad wants to do right from finding the guy, shopping the wedding stuff, conducting my wedding function all by himself.. so has been his dream... And as all dads he fears every other guy friend of mine... when my dad meets my friends the only fear he has is "will this be the guy who can rip all his dreams"...I know for sure my dad never liked any of guy friends...And mind you this doesnt mean he is narrow minded..It just means he loves me too much to allow any other random guy to possess me... Thats my dad... He who knows nothing but love me without any inhibitions... I know i have not been the exact little princess of his who used to look up to him and listen to him.. I have been fighting for reasons of my own... fighting for what i believe is right for me... putting that poor lil man in such a bad position every day...And for the person am I know I will never tell him i feel terrible about myself for hurting him... I just wish he reads this post some day...

No matter what dad.. you have been, are and will always be my hero.. the one whom i love the most and whose happiness matters the most to me... your one smile would mean the world to me.. And no matter where am or with whom am... your position in my life is etched it will never ever change.. cos who else can hug me even when the universe decides to shut me down.. it will be just you... You have always embraced me and guided me with good will.. and I know I have always disappointed you.. I promise you dad i will not let you down one day you will be proudly telling "there she goes my daughter, my angel"...

2010 - My Roller Coster Ride

2010 the year which made me laugh till my stomach hurt.. mad me cry till my tear gland went dry.. year which pushed me into the deepest of the pits just to make me scrappy so that i could make my way..

2010 when i got a hit in all phases of my life.. Saw my dreams shatter in front of my eyes for no mistake of mine... reached till the finish line just to know that iam not goona cross it because of some unknown law of nature... saw my relationships go down town... be it my love, best friend or my dad... my friend for more than a decade refuses to talk to me...

Learnt my lessons.. learnt that not to expect too much from any one..never be predictable...come wat may never allow any one to read ur mind.. u r the master of ur mind.. never allow urself to feel weak for any one.. its never worth it.. cause in the whole process u r distracted and put urself through the worst possible situations ever... never be needy for love even if deep within u feel deprived of it... love urself to the max...if u cant place urself above others then who will...never ever expect the feelings to be eternal...feelings are exponential curves.. u can see it soar rocket high sometimes and hit rock bottom as well..

promises made during the different phases of relationships are not real.. cause ppl forget...we might say stuff in spur of the moment.. but we never stick to it...if i have said some one "u mean world to me" sometime doesnt mean that it holds good forever... ppl change, relationships change and if u cling on to the past glory u only hurt urself more... move a head.. keep ur head high... u r worth all the love.. and if ppl dont give it to u... just be the same with them...

PS: i know i have not organized my feelings right... but these were the random lessons i learnt.. and i find it worth all..

10 Things I Hate about you

When all sit to describe why they love their bf/gf so much.. What makes "that person" so great that gives a feeling that she/he is the one... This make me wonder.. come on there ought to be something about this love of urs that you truly despise.. that makes u go nuts...and when ppl tell "No he/she is perfect" i get more confused.. this point is beyond my apprehension.. After being in couple of relationships myself.. I have came to an understanding that no one is perfect for the other.. if at all the concept about being perfect actually exists.. then why should either one of them sacrifice or change something small about themselves just to see smile of their beloved.. According to me love is not about being perfect for one another.. its about working to walk that one extra mile 2gether..
This post is dedicated my dear dearest nipun.. and the things i absolutely hate about him..
1) The knack Of "NOT TALKING"..
People say it is very tough to maintain a long distance relation.. It becomes all the more tough when u have to maintain the relation with no one on other side of the phone.. During our night conversation zillions of times i have got the feeling that there is no one on the other side.. either i hear a "hmmmm" sound or no sound at all.. and he is man of few words ppl say.. and words he know are "Nothing","Kuch nahin","tu bol".. To get a conversation going with him.. toughest job ever..
2) His way or the High way
Whenever we have an argument irrespective of the reason for it.. some times i feel really petty cause we both act so ditsy.. Whatever be it.. at the end of any argument.. i have the feeling that am the one who is wrong.. I till date have not figured how the hell he does it.. oh my god for no reason i feel so bad and feel like a got damn bitch.. who is unreasonable, demanding and all the blah blah...
3) Being Mr.Unclean
I hate it when things are not done in a certain way.. come on you live in the house.. its ur duty to make it ur home.. Keep ur home clean.. keep ur bathroom clean.. its about hygiene.. how tough is it to understand.. and its so irritating that he doesnt do it in spite of the fact that i keep nagging him to do so..
4) Being Logical 24*7
I have reminded him 'n' times till date that i cannot be logical all the time.. i love to be irrational, to make no sense.. and live just like tat.. come on why should each statement i make be logically related to the prev statement i made.. my mind keeps working.. now am thinking abt sunshine .. a second later it is snow.. Final word "I cannot be Logical".. its beyond me...
5) Refusing to send good night msgs
Call it silly or whatever.. feels good to get a good night msg from the guy u love.. come on who wouldnt love it.. and is it so tough to type in few sweet words to tell good night to me.. aint i as cute as a pixie..
6) Refusing to enter temples
Why is it so tough to enter a temple.. am not telling he never ever enters it.. he does and when he does he keeps commenting on the lady statues in the temple.. and above all mocking at the way i offer prayers to god.. that is so mean.. the worst is he tells that he laughed at the way i offered prayer cause he found it cute.. good that he doesnt do it now..
7) Getting annoyed when I cry
Oh my god.. I love to vent out my irritation, frustration and any thing with my tears.. thats who am.. how tough is it to live with it..Its not I love to cry.. its just that am over sensitive.. and Am okay with the way am..
8) Asking me to grow up
This is one thing I dont want to.. I love being childish.. I love when ppl pamper me.. call me a spoilt brat.. I agree... But come on why should i grow up.. and when he asks me to it hurts.. I thought he loved me being childish.. Am not telling he expects me to act my age always.. but even once in a while i hate doing it..
9) Telling me not to get gifts for him
How could he tell me not to do tat.. that is something I will always do irrespective of whether he likes it or not.. Its my administrative right..By "administrative" i mean "Constitution of Keerthy" not "Constitution of India"...
10) Fartso..
His art of Farting at his will.. I bow to it.. But it is so embarrassing at times.. But if i truly ponder over it.. do i hate this thing about himm.. well actually not.. this one thing ha made me laugh so many times...

But in spite of all this.. Am still smitten by this guy for more than 2 years.. :)